One Night Stands – Making It Easier For Everyone

There are times in your life when you where you stand. When your mom calls you by your entire name you know—regardless of age—that you’ve committed some egregious error. When an interviewer says “we’ll let you know” you know it means you thoroughly botched it and will remain unemployed.

There’s a certain comfort in knowing where you stand, even if it is in a big pile of steaming shite. Not knowing where you stand however, can be frustrating, annoying and downright stressful. Honestly I prefer to be summarily dismissed than to meander in limbo, unsure of my place. In the office, on the web or in my personal life I prefer to know where I stand…regardless of where that is.

When it comes to sex, particularly one night stands it is best to know exactly what your position is. You’re in a bar or club or wherever you go to pick up high-end tail and you’ve honed in on your target. After a few dirty martinis you’ve decided that your genitals will do quite well together for the night.

awkward morning after

You’re so caught up in the moment though that you never stop to think about after all the steamy dirty stranger sex. Then what? Does staying mean you’re some girly girl who wants to cuddle and turn this one-nighter into something…more? If you get up and leave does it mean you’re well-versed in one night stand etiquette?

Jeez, a girl just can’t win, can she?

Here’s the deal; staying in bed after a one night stand and leaving when the sun rises is perfectly acceptable, and most men will appreciate it. Me I hated sharing a bed with some of my one-nighters. They snore, they sleep-fart, sleep fight or talk in their sleep. But staying over has two important advantages. First you don’t have to worry about finding a way home at the most dangerous time of night, but more importantly you’re still around to get a few more rounds of nookie in.

As long as you don’t stare lovingly into his eyes and start making plans for months in advance, chances are very good that he’ll be begging you to stay so he can stick it in a few more times before daybreak.

But there is also nothing wrong with getting up and out before the condom hits the trash can. Sometimes the sex just isn’t that good, sometimes his personality is far worse than the sex is good to endure another moment. And hell sometimes you just want to sleep in your own soft sheets rather than some sandpaper scratchy bachelor sheets. No thank you!

I propose that ladies take this matter into your own hand ahead of time. Being the one night stand hostess is ideal in this day and age for tons of reasons. First if the guys turns out to be some type of psycho, you’re in the comfort of your home where you have knives, bats and pepper spray stashed for safety (is that just me? Don’t say I’m the only one!).

Most importantly though, if you have him to your place then it puts all the stress on him (or her) about what to do when the sex sweat has dried. Let him fret over staying for another round or getting the hell outta dodge. You have everything you need for a post-coital clean up, fluffy pillows with clean cases and your vibrator in case he doesn’t get you to the mountaintop.

Keep in mind you leave yourself open to stalkers or presumptuous dudes who show up out of the blue. But if you’re having one-nighters I surely hope you’re strong enough to slam a door in his face and tell him one night means one goddamned night!

In the world of casual sex, the meek end up inheriting unwanted shackers! 

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