If there are two things I really love it’s food and sex, not necessarily in that order. And sometimes at the same time. But recently I’ve been thinking about the different movie scenes that feature food and sex and it got me thinking how those scenes are not at all reflective of reality. Of course the movies are supposed to be fantasy, not reality.
I just think it is supremely unfair that they don’t tell you how much post-coital cleaning is involved. With that in mind and a recent two-day clean up I’ve been wondering if all the cleaning and washing is worth it.
My until recent food & sex favorites have always leaned toward the sweet. You know, things like honey, syrup, caramel and even jam on a few occasions. These are the most delectable to slowly lick off all the enticing body parts without creating some weird sex associations.
Unfortunately these things are torturous to clean, especially the sheets and pillow cases. Have you ever tried to scrub chocolate syrup from a mattress? Even the trusty standby OxiClean doesn’t truly get rid of those streaks of chocolate or strawberry or even caramel. No matter how much fun you had licking honey off a pair of cleanly shaven balls, it’s never quite as fun unless you don’t mind sleeping in honey.
Then there are savory foods, of which I have never been a fan of mixing with my sex. There was a guy—Chuck—who enjoyed lapping gravy off my nipples but licking one drop off his stomach nearly made me gag. And I really like gravy. But he preferred the savory which did make for a lot of pleasure for me, even though I never really knew if it was the ketchup or Worcestershire sauce or even the (gross) Miracle Whip…or if it was me.
I mean, he was really truly enthusiastic about licking and sucking me clean, but I always got the notion that he was far more into his condiments than my lady bits.
And me, well as much as I adore ketchup. I mean truly and deeply love it, there was nothing more disgusting to me than licking ketchup from a throbbing cock. I guess it’s about what you like, and the truth is that with Chuck I never had to worry so much about cleaning but there was rarely anything left to clean.
And herein lies my problem. If food and sex shall mix I must have it sweet but then I have to suffer through the cleanup. Whipped cream is my favorite, especially the fake stuff…Cool Whip. It’s so fake and light and airy that cleaning requires the absolute minimum of cleaning. If you don’t get it all it’s no problem because it basically turns to water so you just need to sop it up with a wet paper towel or risk ants.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that food and sex can be amazing. Incredible, actually. And it can really spice up foreplay if you and yours are starting to get a little bored with the kissing-tit sucking—oral sex, triad of foreplay.
But if you like to fall into a ball of limbs and relax until your breathing returns to normal and your limbs are steady enough to walk on, I wouldn’t suggest mixing them.
Trust me, sleeping in sugary sweet syrup or salty ketchup is no fucking fun.