To Fake or Not to Fake: Orgasms

It’s an age old question that women dating as far back as Anne Boleyn, perhaps farther, have had to contend with when dealing with an unsatisfying sexual partner.

The question that most of us have struggled with at least once is, should we fake the orgasm or not bother? Personally I am of the “if you can bother to make me come why should I muster up the energy for an AVN-winning performance” school of thought. But I guess I can see the merit of faking it…maybe.

The problem I have with faking an orgasm besides the aforementioned effort required, is that it sets a bad precedent for you or any future women your partner attempts to bring to climax. Stunted strokes, the jackrabbit pounding or too wet kisses and rough finger-banging are bad moves that should have been retired long ago. By all men. However the well intentioned act of faking it means that he will never learn how to actually please a woman.

To fake or not to fake your orgasm

There was this guy, let’s call him Donald, who used to be one of my sex buddies. He had really gorgeous plump lips which lead me to believe that he could be quite orally talented. And he was. Except for his inability to produce any mouth moisture and then trying to cram fingers into my Southern dry region. It was uncomfortable, slightly painful and it made my vagina curl up into herself and hibernate for days on end.

Now I can’t fault a man for having a poor technique (oh but how bad I wanted to), what I faulted Donald for however was his insistence that his über dry technique had brought “many women to orgasm”. Even if that’s true, which I highly doubt given the pain and chafing that dry friction creates, it wasn’t bring me to orgasm which was the whole point of letting him lap up my feminine goodness!

Although I can’t even see a Donald without my vajayjay getting a little spooked, I dearly wanted to find out who these idiotic women were that led him to believe his dehydrated cunnilingus brought them to orgasm. If one woman had the courage to say “um sorry dude, but you’re going about this pussy lickin’ thing the wrong way,” then I wouldn’t have had to be the bearer of bad news. Not that I minded, except for once he was gone I needed about a gallon of lube to get my girl juicy again for a little bit of self-love.

There’s no reason to fake an orgasm. Sometimes he’s just not doing right and rather than mislead him, pay that shit forward! Tell him what he’s doing wrong and SHOW HIM how to do it right. Even if you never have sex with him again, think of your own karmic payback. Sending an ex-lover out into the universe a much better lover, fully capable of satisfying a woman, has to be worth some serious orgasm karma.

Of this I am certain because after setting Donald straight, and I’m not ashamed to admit it (maybe I should be?) thoroughly hurting his feelings, the universe rewarded me with Kevin. Big, sexy, talented with his tongue, hands and cock, Kevin. Obviously someone had spent a great deal of time and effort teaching him to please a woman inside and out and I was promptly paid forward for my on tough love sex education.

As women we often worry more about his feelings than our own satisfaction, which is, let’s just say it: bullshit. If you’re not worried about your own orgasm then he won’t be either. If he’s not ‘hitting your spot’ don’t be afraid to move his hand, guide his cock or move his head until he does hit that spot.

Orgasms are amazing, incredible, fireworks-producing even. They are something the entire human race should enjoy on a supremely regular basis. So, do world peace a favor and speak up the next time you feel a well-deserved orgasm slipping from your grasp.

If you’re going to have to deal with the post-coital clean up, you may as well get your end taken care of…right? 
A little reminder of how useless (and amusing) faking it can be!

Posted in Sex

One thought on “To Fake or Not to Fake: Orgasms

  1. I can fake squirting, but it leaves me with a killer headache. I think it is nice to fake once in a while as an ego boost, but if I always find myself faking a few times with the same bloke, I have to move on.

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