Pretty Ugly

Recently over dinner with a few friends the subject of orgasms came up. Being as it was a mixed group there were a wide range of opinions from “not enough orgasms” to “mine are far too quick” and everything in between.

This of course brought up the topic of o-faces, specifically pretty or ugly orgasm faces. The men of course preferred the pretty o-face, which is only to be expected since they are the ones who actually have to look down at it. Most of the women assumed they all had gorgeous Angelina-esque o-faces while their men cast awkward downward glances, not daring to refute them.

pretty o face_ugly o face

The law of averages says that some of us have to be the bearer of ugly o-faces, but unless you’re one of the brave souls with a ceiling mirror…how do you know? Simple; you just do.

I had a sneaking suspicion that I was one of those unlucky bitches with an utterly awful o-face so I set about finding out and performing my own little social experiment.

First I approached my man and said, “Be honest, do I have an ugly orgasm face?” Much to my dismay and great delight, he confirmed what I already suspected. I had an ugly o-face.

So I spent the next week seeing if I could (a) change my orgasm face and (b) if changing my o-face would detract from my o-pleasure.

As a baseline test I started with my traditional o-face. The one I’ve always had, that I might add, has never gotten any complaints. Let me just say that my orgasms and thus my o-faces are hardcore. My eyelids slam tightly shut and my nose scrunches up with my wide open mouth bearing a close resemblance to a masticating cow. I’m not ashamed to say this, it just is. My body clenches tight before releasing in none too subtle quakes with an accompanying soundtrack that sounds vaguely like an elementary school fire alarm and a series of “oh fucks, shits, ooooooohhh’s and goddamns.”

From there I could gauge the differences in trying to have a sexy porn-style o-face.

The day after the baseline test I attempted to pretty up my o-face by softening my features at the moment of orgasmic impact. So there we were grindin’ and strokin’ with a good measure of moaning and swearing as we quickly approached the moment of impact and, totally conscious of my facial contortions, I kept my eyes closed only this time minus the clenching. I pursed my lips in that sexy way that I’d coached many a porn girl at dozens of photo shoots. While I couldn’t control the jerking & twitching, I did make more ‘ladylike’ noises…you might call it mewling if you’ve ever read a Victorian romance novel.

So it wasn’t quite the body shaking orgasm that I was used to but it was pretty good. He said my face was softer and the sounds were more porn-esque but he thought it was ‘weird’ because it seemed “fake” and he hates a fake orgasm.

The pretty o-face was mildly less satisfying than my ugly o-face so I decided next to try the all-out porn o-face.

how do you look when you orgasm

Again we were both panting faster and harder and the strokes were coming harder and faster just how I like’em. I felt the downstairs clenching begin and I softened my features so my eyes were gently closes and I opened my mouth for a literal porn star o-face. I finished it off with a breathy “oh yeah, oh god, oooooooh yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!”

He didn’t mind the sounds because I mean really man doesn’t enjoy those ego-stroking porn sounds? Exactly. But again he thought it all seemed too fake and even though he felt the clenching he felt like I was faking it.

Porn star o-face was a definite no go but the sounds were highly arousing compared to my peri-coital sailor cussin’ and the beauty orgasm face was just too polished to sound appealing and the mewling was just…disturbing. Maybe it’s because we’ve been together for so long that he’s grown used to my pretty ugly o-face.

Personally I prefer the o-face that allows me to completely let loose and enjoy the orgasm as it washes over me. I am not the kind of woman now, nor was I the kind of girl in my single days, who fretted over what I looked like in the throes of passion. I much prefer the gritty realness of an orgasm that leaves me breathless and exhausted. Enjoying my orgasms is always better than the illusion of enjoying them and your partners will always agree.

Let it be enough that you’re willing to prance around in stilettos that highlight your hindquarters and round bottom and squeeze into a bra that binds and pushes the girls up and over your most scintillating top. Let it be enough that you’re willing to slide a thin piece of fabric between your butt cheeks just to get his little guy aroused. Damage your skin with concealer, foundation, eye shadow, mascara and bright red lipstick. Tease your hair and ply it with products. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, we all do what we have to in search of sex, love or just a good time.

But when it comes to sex and a satisfying sexual encounter, let it all hang out and enjoy it. Who cares if your boobs slip under your arms or your face looks bloated in missionary? Sex is about enjoyment not aesthetics. The sooner you learn that the better your sex life will be. 

Posted in Sex

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