So A Priest, A Rabbi And Your Boyfriend Walk Into A Sex Shop…

Working at a sex shop you experience a lot of different types of people. With a variety of likes, dislikes, fetishes, dreams, fantasies, hang ups and scars. Sometimes you can see immediately what they are looking for, sometimes you’d never expect that THAT is what this particular person wants.

Sex shop employee 

And working at a sex shop is not as easy as, say, working at a grocery store. Most people don’t come in to a sex shop just asking where the bread aisle is. At a grocery store customers don’t need to follow up by asking you what kind of bread they should get because people know what kind of bread they want. Sourdough, rye, potato, white or wheat. Or, if they don’t, they can usually figure it out on their own. But when people walk into a sex shop it can be incredibly overwhelming.

In a country where there are still a lot of taboos about sex, people are pretty clueless about sex toys and their accoutrements. And it seems that there is a tool for every type of sexual proclivity one may have all crammed in at a sex shop. So where does one start? Most people walk into a sex shop knowing they want something, they just aren’t sure what. So, as an employee, it was my job to ask some investigative questions to figure out where to direct them.

Eventually you find the different “types” of people who come in. Like the straight woman who brings her friends in and explains each product to them because she thinks she knows what she’s talking about. Which she doesn’t. Or the uptight person who say that everything in the store is gross or weird. Then why are you here? Sex IS gross and weird. But I still like it!

My least favorite type of person, though, is the straight dude who brings in his girlfriend and then proceeds to bully her into trying anal sex. And tries to use me as a tool to get her to concede.

These boyfriends usually ask a lot of leading questions about anal sex. What are good toys for beginners? What kind of lube should one use? All great questions! So I answer them enthusiastically because you can’t always assume people are assholes. And then they finally ask you, in front of their girlfriend, “So, uh, how do you make someone have anal sex with you?” Ew.

Fortunately these are usually the easiest types of customers to deal with. Having worked in porn I am well aware of the obnoxious bravado straight men can emit. Porn men are the worst at this. I guess they have to be since you have to have a lot of balls to fuck on camera, pun intended. And they strut around like cocks (pun intended again), flaring their feathers for everyone to see. Most of the time I just ignored it but sometimes men would get in my face, forcing their swagger on me.

sex shop customers

Just like these boyfriends at the sex shop. It’s not cool to do this, boys. This is the aggressive, weird stuff that women have been coping with for centuries and are just realizing that they don’t have to. That’s why women love sex shops and men fear them. We are learning that we only need you for the sperm and you know it. Also, both in porn and at the sex shop, these were my places of work. I didn’t have to put up with verbal rape.

And to generalize, many men like the one I’m describing are more than willing to give their cock over to the pleasures of anal sex but are pretty unwilling in doing the same with their own anus. So I don’t feel bad when I get a little mean with them and go straight to deflating their egos. I simply tell them this little lie:


“Well, my rule with my boyfriend is he gets to fuck me in the ass when I get to fuck him in the ass.”

The guy’s shit grin drops and his skin turns a little pale. The girlfriend laughs hysterically. And then he leaves me alone.

I just want to end by saying that I was always over the moon when any couple came in to the store wanting to explore something new together. And that they mutually agreed on trying this new thing. But forcing someone, or to make someone feel less than for not wanting to try something is not honorable. So if your partner doesn’t want to do it, don’t push them because if they agree it’s because you bullied them and they aren’t going to enjoy it. On the other hand, if your partner wants to try something new, be open to the idea. Know your boundaries, let them be known and TRY. Your partner will definitely appreciate the effort even if you find that this new thing is not for you. And use lots of lube!

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