The First Date Sex Imperative

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

-Woody Allen

I have always been of the mind that sex on the first date is a must, hence ‘the first date sex imperative’. First dates are by their very nature…torturous; forced conversation, feigned interest, bad appetizers and bottled up anxiety to the point of bursting over the inevitable end of date questions. Will they call? Will they kiss me? Did that go well? How bad was it?

After centuries of dating and mating, there have been virtually no improvements to the first date. Except sex on the first date.

I should tell you that I’m not a big fan of people in general and I view most dates as an inevitable but necessary hurdle to sex. That’s why college was so great; I didn’t have to deal with extraneous conversation to get laid. A pair of tight jeans and a low cut top and I could be sated and showered before After Hours got started!

Many popular women’s magazines will warn you against having sex on the first date. Something about respect being loss or some such nonsense that modern women care little about. Let’s be honest, if a prospective partner would lose respect over something like sex on the first date, then they were much of a prospect anyway.

I, however, fully believe that not only should you engage in first date sex but I fully encourage it. Sex on the first date not only gives the date a far more interesting wrap up, but it also tells you something very important about your sex partner: whether or not you want to see them again.

I know, I’m awful. But the truth is that for decades, probably millennia women have pretended as though a satisfying sex life was a bonus to a relationship rather than something to be expected, nay, demanded. We have been content for far too long to settle for love without earth-shattering orgasms, and our mothers were content to say goodbye to orgasms altogether. Where has it gotten women?

To the point that having sex on the first date is a cause to lose respect, that’s where!

should you have sex on the first date

While I do think it’s important to have sex as early as possible, it has little to do with the fact that I am a sex enthusiast (read: pervert) and proudly display my freak flag. It has more to do with what sex tells you about a relationship applicant.

First, are they giving? If your partner goes straight for his or her orgasm without regard to yours, how do you think that will translate into a relationship? Does that stingy person sound like someone who will nurse you back to health after a bad bout of the flu or who will scrub the toilets without being nagged a thousand times?

Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

It can also let you know how passionate this person is about life. Don’t get me wrong there is a time and a place for a quickie, but that time is NOT the first time you have sex with that person. A person who has no passion about sex probably has very little passion about life, and unless you’re Eeyore, you won’t find this an attractive trait in a partner. You want someone who is reactive and responds to your touches and who is eager to explore your body to see what makes you gasp with arousal and squeal with delight.

First Date Sex can also let you know if you’ve got a hard worker or a slacker in your bed. A hard worker will put in extra time if you’re one of those poor souls who needs a good long rogering to reach your climax. A slacker will toss you your dildo and encourage you to ‘finish off’ on your own…if you’re lucky!

Most importantly however is the inevitable truth that we, as women, have been fed for far too long: sex isn’t important. Sex is very important, so important that relationships break up all the time over sex. Whether it’s because sex was had outside the relationship, there wasn’t enough sex in a relationship and sometimes even because someone needed too much sex in a relationship. These are just a few reasons relationships fail over sex, but the truth is that it happens all the time when a lot of this heartache can be avoided.

If you aren’t sated after first date sex, do you expect it to get better simply because you now have feelings for this person? The first time you have sex with someone is supposed to be incredible like a television pilot; all the stops have been pulled out to reel you in. But if first date sex is like the second or third episode then you should expect a steady flow of mid-season dreck.

As hard is this is for ladies to believe, sex on the first date can help you weed out those men or women who stand no chance of moving beyond the “I had this one first date” tale. Sure your sex number might skyrocket, but if you have safe sex and you’re confident about who you are as a sexual being, who cares about a silly thing like numbers?

Oh, and there’s the obvious benefits of first date sex: you don’t have to sit through unbearable conversation (for 3 arbitrary dates) with someone you only agreed to go out with because you wanted to sleep with them! 

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